Exhibit A: “Slime in the Mind,” by Edward Duce (The Politically Correct Theology Student Song)

Deleted from an early version of my novel Sortmind, the chapter “Twenty Years Ago at Darkforce” (its 9,600 words omitted here), recounts theology student Edward Duce’s interrogation before the Feminist Trial Board of Darkforce Theological Seminary. Duce, the future founder of Sortmind’s paramilitary For the Triangles Foundation, struggled to employ all-inclusive language, but it still took him forty pages of transcript to demonstrate that his song, brazenly and disrespectfully performed during “Celebrate the Feminine Week,” was in fact entirely satisfactory to his inquisitors and in full accordance with Carnationist religious doctrine.

hold my stinking hand
it’s the best our crippled atrocities will permit
as I betray the LORD with my gland
collapsing into a gore-overflowing cesspool where Mind must numbly split

imprisoned in these crotches that shall never rise
we notice that somehow the LORD always seems to thwart all our sallow dreams
as we nurse our miserable pus, sing and weep for piteous victims we also despise
we stand ready to be sliced to atoms by GOD’s avenging beams

yes, think of all the grime that’s in the air
you sit on a solid porch but it turns to liquid despair
sit in here, and then we’ll sit out there
and feel the scary moonlight on the chair …

He or She will blow us apart with His or Her Song
as we struggle towards our hopelessly insane just desserts of grace
we’ll accept our civilization’s death throes as being certainly not wrong
when our angry LORD uses kingdoms lacerated with pain to attack the human race

oooh, in the slime of our minds
our worthless slimy minds
in the slime of the Mind …