Case 9 of the New Fritening Experiences: Attack of the Taoists!
The following is offered in homage to my literary beginnings as a fifth grade science fiction author of such works as “February 11, 1971, DOOMSDAY,” “Blast-Off to Eternity,” “MONSTERVILLE, U.S.A.,” and “Journey to the Center of the Sun.” “Fritening Experiences” was one of several series I worked on, its last being Case 8, “Slave Boy of Venus.” Case 9 which follows is true to my fifth grade format, spelling, and comprehensive understanding of Grade B 1950’s science fiction movies.
Chapter I. The Aleins Big Mistake
In the year 1952 aleins from Gaucoazezama (Gwa-Ko-a-ZEZ-a-ma) plotted the destruction of the Earth. Soon they found that Taoist Masters (MAAH-stirs) didn’t want them on Earth and vowed war against the aleins. Soon a big war began, and soon the aleins were losing because their death rays were slower than Taoist Mind Rays and the Taoist Masters could fry many aleins at once from the mountain of the KLONG-TAR province of China.
One day an alein was trying to flee the scene of a big battle the aleins were losing with his arm blown off. The Alein, known as GARTHAX-5, was driving a stolen car he had stolen to get away when it ran out of gas. He was afraid of being killed by the Taoists so he hid in a house. He was a coward and knew he would be killed by the Gaucoazezama warlords if they knew he ran away.
But in the house he found a MULTIPORT SHAMAN (MULL-tee-Port SHAH-man) and soon he was radioing a space message how the aleins could beat the Taoists. If he knew what was about to happen he would be even more afraid than he was.
See Chapter 2, “Wrong Plug of Consousness”
Attack of the Taoists! Chapter II. The Wrong Plug of Consousness
GARTHAX-5 knew a multiport shaman had to do the alein’s bidding. So the aleins would not kill him for being a coward.
The multiport shaman was the beautiful and mysterious N-CAT (ENN-KAT). The reason she was a Multi Port was that she had ports for every form of concousness. So she could rule the world if she wanted to by plugging in the right wires.
But GARTHAX-5 had a wire that wouldn’t fit so he played with it until it did fit. He put an Energy Drainor Plug into one of N-CAT’s open ports while she was sleeping and soon a billion volts was flowing right to the aleins! Soon they made N-CAT run the whole world, and they would win. Before long dinosaurs were coming out of the ground, spewing radiation and wrecking many cities. The Earth was in flames.
Except that Taoist Master Ming was watching over N-CAT. “The aleins are vulnerable to their own stupidity!!!!” he told N-CAT in her sleep. He and N-CAT soon realized that GARTHAX-5 put the Drainor in wrong, and so the aleins got poison instead of Power! Then they forgot about N-CAT after that.
Ming and N-CAT went to the authorities to report the aliens were sick and went had gone back to GUACOAZEZAMA. The President said, “You have many Shamanic ports (Sha-MAAN-ick PORTS) but the best one for you is the Taoist port. You will have many adventures.”
Little did N-CAT know what her next mission would be, but it would be a big one.
copyright 2010 Michael D. Smith
N-Cat was an archologist, but she really was a Taoist Master who went to sleep all the time and sleept alot. Little did the aleins know that, even though she was a multiport personage, NONE of the aleins’ wires would fit into the ports, no matter how long they fiddeled around with them. So the aleins were doomed from the beginning, except since they didn’t know it, the story was long enough to be a story and not just a plot. device.
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