Crisis! Restructure Major Metropolitan Library!
This summer’s Draft 7 of Sortmind completely changed the old library-centric plot of the original novel, and it was only after a small amount of grief that I finally knew I had to let go of the following mini-chapter from the first version, although every time I’ve reread it I’ve found myself laughing out loud. Maybe you just had to have been there. In the revised novel Don and Peter are software entrepreneurs, but below we find the original Donald L. Roseparker, power hungry simpleton Assistant Director of Administration of the Drulgoorijk Public Library, finally putting his library school degree to work in the original Part II, Chapter 18 of Sortmind. He’d previously had limited use of the library’s malfing Telepathic Database, but now discovers it in full, along with its marvelous Telepathic Word Processing program.
TD document TWPP/D3/45h:98223-534:990**/:44
Submit to Publication: Library Limousine, for issue: June
Created: May 15, 10:13 AM
Title: CRISIS! RESTRUCTURE MAJOR METROPOLITAN LIBRARY!
Author: Donald L. Roseparker, M.L.S., Ph.D., Assistant Director for Administration, Drulgoorijk Public Library
Peter Traumfoster told me, write up restructuring of Library as my goals as my first year as Assistant Dir. for Administration, immensely controversial for this reason to write a major article for Library Limousine will educate philosophical, budgetary reasons behind restructure when this article could as a revolutionary blueprint?
For reasons beyond control, in finally getting around to this article even though it May, but when it finally came time to compose article, I found Telepathic Word Processor and I said this is for me
Well, okay! Many of senior staff at Drulgoorijk Pubic including perhaps Director Library, was not sufficiently aware of the crisis screwing Drulgoorijk September: the budget of $20,000,000 must slash by $6,000,000 by Oct. 1! and begin of September the great Lambert Holbin, intentionally famous librarian and Ass. Director for Admin. has come up with, cuts only $2,556,308.22.
and this performance is unacceptable and so they say Mr. Holbin’s September 5th untimely Mindwipe did not diminish his mythic status in the world; BUT did he know he failed and he chose Mindwipe rather than face the facts that this time! So the slick Lambert Holbin had run out of tricks?
Consider that a man beloved by you all is really an illusion, and he Mindwiped just in time and the right man would come right to replace, someone who the reality and take full immediately, to avert threatens complete destruction? But some say Traumfoster caused budget crisis all his own, neglect politics at City Hall for years to play Telepathic Database, administrative fester under boob Lambert Holbin. But of course, I will slight either our former ADA or our Director. Fools!
Statistics bears. Of 256,677,408 library transactions to the previous year, fully 78% were fully whereas 52% grants. Users are 56% to 34%, questions exceeding our budgetary by 24%, walk-in with telephones up 54% whereas purely reference an astonishing 2%. The materials budget climbed for $3,556,990.
Yet, incredibly, even as patron demand grew (of 922 letters to the editors of Drulgoorijk newspapers concern the library, 845, or $5.18%, reflecting favorably on library on values with we associate public libraries
C. Political Considerations – Some background is is order. Because And it’s a wonder that Drulgoorijk was fortunate survive. Luck, then, along my vision.
My own analysis, very complicated or I would explain it, shows Council impose its own budget because Holbin was never anything except TD research!!!
So–touch and go there! For 16 days we without ADA. Leslie Thomsen, Ass. Dir. for Tech. Serv. thinks has job sewed, wants bad she taste like Peter wanted to fill ADA ASAP knowing vacant–tempting to the Council for a cut of cool $150,000 a year.
Now explain about Jonsen Perryman, president Library Board? This Board wants say in everything even though supposed to be advisory ONLY. But of course interfere in daily operations. Have I found that out! put up with all that grief.
For instance, requests represent 14.55% of requests, initiated by Board-initiated requests. Naturally Perryman hip deep appointed with political connections (Turbetoland, business establishment, farmers, Of course, he’s an old friend of the Roseparker family
Cost Analysis And was surprised as next guy the Sept. 20 Perryman calls me at home to say Don, I can’t let that Thomsen woman be ADA–I’ve all my support AGAINST it.” (!) Why coot bothering at home? The look on Traumfoster’s face when the probably senile Perryman says! “Hell, no we won’t have that Thomsen woman but Martha Roseparker’s grandson now he’d be perfect. Because his doctorate!!!!
Luck–pure Luck that an befuddled old man can have one last measure of greatness, Perryman got Board together, Like Thomsen’s idea a Pet Library where you check out a dog or a cat or a horse from this zoo in the basement–is stupid or what? Woman can’t take stress! But Roseparker Ph.D., certainly can.
Position Justification: the only librarian WITH A PH.D IN LIBRARY SCIENCE! Two years in charge of car repair manuals in Business, so I get the positron!
Leslie same old boring business dooming to extinction????? Me: I known exactly how to correct budget’s library But Traumfoster even know who I am? Ha! But all of a sudden a VISION. I tell Perryman very somberly “I accept sir.
3. Analysis One: Upon assuming ADA on Sept. 21rd, summoned into office of THE Director and ordered to A NEW PLAN OF LIBRARY REORGANIZATION in two days, Don! Our draft is due Council 23rd afternoon! Like scary and all!
But FULL UNLIMITED DATABASE ACCESS! Don’t forget! So Traumfoster’s strategy: dump every ounce of responsibility first second I walk in. Phones ringing, people interrupt, with questions and asking for advice, on thousands, of decisions, Traumfoster want me to insane so I’ll quit and can have Leslie!
I don’t think so! Dare Mindwipe and download 4,000 books, on library management then and there! Screw you! I am expert, then lock in office not speak two days slash out Plan saves the Library. Traumfoster banging door finally screwdriver and pry hinges off only me very cool, drinking a cup of coffee the budget finished a long ago!
Peter curses Perryman! But damned Oct. 1, with the physical year begins and entire staff screaming for my balls he retreat, into his office to work on the TD again, oblivious. Awhile he don’t care. Look how you save my balls.
II. Implementation Program
Save $1,800,000 get rid of books! By download all new books from TD straight into our computer paper, so we just computer paper (cheap!)
The rest from enhanced devaluing! From 656 personnel to 344, lop off expensive Civil Service Grade 92’s head defunct units. All other surviving 92’s enhanced grade 85. Most of staff likewise enhanced downward. Wipe out many clerical positions at once!
As any visionary, my program misunderstood by wimps.
twenty old-timers collecting dust thirty years, coots fifty years old And they like just couldn’t fit in. They weren’t us, library professional modern day Of “new school here in Drulgoorijk,” if you know what I mean and I think you do. Even Traumfoster finally through his head. Nevertheless said miss those old goons and their “valuable avarice. Farce! Is just play-acting or what? We are librarians who are truly one with us!
nonprofessional may sort mail, check in book and crap! But we know doesn’t really belong our libraries either. Someday to root out all clerks, fully replaced by TD, but at least finally, but all PROFESSIONAL librarians US! It’s years to get here but Lambert Holbin Mindwiped is all can say! And he never one US either!!!!! God riddance!
copyright 2016 by Michael D. Smith
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